Precise description of my mood lately.
Not just because of the undecisive and unstable stage of my relationship, but also many things that are happening around me simultaneously. Research project, finals, pets and of course, friends and family. But, not to be denial or what, I find it really hard to concentrate on other things with that very first problem in the list always lingering at the back of my head.
Back to basics. Love and intimacy. A package. Like fish and water. Like, u can't possibly order a McValue meal without the fries can you? This is one principle which I've been holding on since the first day I knew what love is. And for so many years I've been loyal to it. Because I'm loyal to love. And therefore what happens if someone suddenly wants to challenge you with a completely different opinion? If this occurs in the sane, usual me, I would have debate and defend my point on and on until this opponent surrenders. But when this is not hypothetical anymore, when it involves real feelings, things aren't gonna be so easy. Do not ask why, just trust me. Because there won't be an answer, and if ever there is, you are lying to yourself. Like what I did, for the past few weeks. Pointless arguments, which all ended up sadly and energy draining.
But of course, this only happens when true feelings and emotions are involved. :P
Because I'm a debater.
Finally (I hope), I learnt to think from a different angle, well, I think I can still hold on to my principle, but at the same time accept the opposite opinion as well, at least from the society point of view. And for the sake of a peaceful and happy relationship. I can't possibly control what people think and do, right? And I don't need to understand it in order to accept it, it will never happen, because I've never experienced it, and I don't want to (I still think it is disgusting and weird). In the end, it's as simple as some like McChicken and some prefer BigMac. DAMN.
Just wanna emphasize again, there is nothing wrong to be naive. It's all about difference in value and point of view. And extreme heartache.
p/s : despite all these down and tearful days, we still got "good" for research presentation and selected for presentation to the people up there. Yay. At least some of my brain cells are still vacant I guess.
