Back in Muar again. So much of priceless memories, so many new faces, so many patients, so exhausting.
Orthopedics in Muar no doubt is relatively more relax and easy-going. But still, by the time you get back, it's kinda impossible to open a book to read. And I'm including books as adrenaline-releasing as The Da Vinci Code. Therefore, please do not blame me for not knowing what is patellar tap test. This is a very mechanical posting, I have no confidence in handling limbs and bones and metals. But it applies a lot of common sense. And vocabs as usual.
Somehow, walking back into the ward in Muar makes me very nostalgic. Same beds and surroundings, the same lift, but a very different emotion. This was where all started.
I was all alone for almost half a year, and never uttered a single complaint about my status, I was all happy and as cheerful as ever. Things happened just when it is least expected. Fair enough. I thought I met someone who is going to let me rely on without any second thought, although not perfect, but I'm happy whenever I'm in Muar. YES. Muar. Everything he did made me think that I'm the luckiest girl on earth. Like a dream.
I guess it's just karma. Things get really ugly after a while. Because of some reason. Some awful stuff which came like a 1000kg impact hit on me. I got nervous because it was nothing like my dream. And the issue dragged for a few months. My emotions and tears are exhausted. I'm defeated, when he claimed that this is his true self, which is certainly not compatible with my dream. Or the mr right I first met in the ward.
No one is at fault I guess. Just different. Very different. No one to be blamed. But I think I deserve treatment a lot better than this. I've sacrificed a lot too. I'm willing to give unconditional love. But this does not indicate that I can be bullied.
Things are still hanging. But maybe I've found a solution. I hope it works this time.
Thanks for all the support and reassurance from everyone. I have big big big exams coming soon, can't afford to lose control anymore. I'll be fine. Just waiting to be loved and cherished once again. I still believe in love of course. But this time, I'm gonna love someone who is worthwhile, who loves me more than I do. Hehe.
