WHISPER OF SUMMER

HACHOOO

Monday 7 March 2011

One year later...

Here I am. Still strong. Still determine. Still youthful =)
On top of it, I'm officially a healer.

Thank you.

SZE YIN posted at 10:02 pm | 0 whispers

inspiration

Friday 12 March 2010

放肆(蓋世群音五月天亞洲首唱主題曲)

詞:阿信曲:怪獸

就放肆愛放肆追放肆去闖放肆是我的信仰
再不去闖夢想永遠只會是一個夢

想太多又想太重的夢想還不如乾脆不多想
每一個險惡的浪都會有浪花綻放我決定邊衝邊欣賞

牛頓要我們都活在地上偏偏我就想要飛翔
要掙脫命運綑綁要推翻柏林圍牆要站上巨人的肩膀

夢想永遠是逆向一路都有人阻擋
人們說的荒唐卻是我的心中的天堂

就放肆愛放肆追放肆去闖放肆的大鬧一場
不能原諒如果很多年後我還是這樣
就放肆愛放肆追放肆去闖放肆是我的信仰
再不去闖夢想永遠只會是一個夢想

哥倫布只要有一顆星光就膽敢橫越大西洋
我還有一把吉他我還有一群死黨為什麼還不大聲唱

達爾文假設生命是戰場就讓我基因不投降
把傷痕裝滿手掌把鼓聲裝滿心臟把歌聲裝滿肺活量

夢想永遠是逆光只有剪影的模樣
會有什麼細節什麼體驗不要只猜想

SZE YIN posted at 1:25 am | 1 whispers

POST ke-100

Thursday 11 February 2010

I realized I only visit this blog whenever I'm sad or when facing any silly crisis.

Therefore, new year resolution: post ONLY nice and happy and meaningful stuffs from the 101st post onwards. Which means, I'll try whatever it takes to live life to the fullest. (sounds plain) haha. Just as long as I'm happy and rejuvinated will do then =)

I'm going home today. YAY. Congrats to those who are receiving awards during the annual dinner tonight. Too bad I won't be attending. Coz right now, I just wanna rush home and play with murphy. But, no matter what, you guys are gonna look gorgeous and have a blast!

GONG XI GONG XI.

SZE YIN posted at 1:59 pm | 0 whispers

gratitude

Sunday 7 February 2010

One week.

No one can possibly believe the amount of things and changes I've seen and experienced in me.
In one week.
Let's not say it's a life-changing event. But I was defeated badly in this relationship. I thought it was life-changing. In one way. But now, instead of thinking that way, I've learnt to see things from a different prospect.
Therefore, I would say this is an oppurtunity for me to grow up, to face reality, and accept that there are many types of people in this world, with massive differences in values and morality. It's not up to me to change them. Or change myself. It's about how I interpret them now.
Lucky thing is, I have very very supportive good friends. Although sometimes not in a very appropriate way, I do appreciate every single advice and comfort and idea they gave me. I feel warmth from within. Really. For that, I owe all of you a big one. Thanks for making me the lucky one. Also thanks for bringing it up at least once daily, to make me face it, not runaway from it. Cool.

To you, thanks for letting me go. And grow up. And yet, another chance.
To you, thanks for letting me cry in front of you without revealing how ugly I was.
To you, thanks for the concern and the (over-)protective behaviour this few days.
And to you, thanks for putting a smile on my face every morning.

One week. Indeed.

SZE YIN posted at 3:18 pm | 2 whispers

最重要的小事

Thursday 21 January 2010

最近又重听好多好多的五月天
难怪他们是天团
很现实的梦想和希望
毫不保留的讽刺人生
真的能让心情好过一点

最重要的小事
曲:马莎词:阿信

我走过动荡日子
追过梦的放肆穿过多少生死
却假装若无其事
穿过半个城市只想看你样子
这一刻最重要的事
是属于你最小的事

世界纷纷扰扰喧喧闹闹什么是真实
为你跌跌撞撞傻傻笑笑买一杯果汁
就算庸庸碌碌匆匆忙忙活过一辈子
也要分分秒秒年年日日全心守护你
最小的事

我就算壮烈前世
征服滚滚乱世万人为我写诗
而幸福却是此时
静静帮你提着哈罗凯蒂袋子
这一刻最重要的事
是属于你最小的事

你笑得像个孩子
每个平凡小事变成永恒故事

曾几何时, 我理想对象要的是有才华, 样貌还有爱心. 哈哈.
现实中还真的有差.
改一改,
不用真的有才到写出这样的词,
只要做的到词中的意境,
都值得了.

期待着...

SZE YIN posted at 10:22 pm | 0 whispers

Emotion vs incompatibilty

Back in Muar again. So much of priceless memories, so many new faces, so many patients, so exhausting.

Orthopedics in Muar no doubt is relatively more relax and easy-going. But still, by the time you get back, it's kinda impossible to open a book to read. And I'm including books as adrenaline-releasing as The Da Vinci Code. Therefore, please do not blame me for not knowing what is patellar tap test. This is a very mechanical posting, I have no confidence in handling limbs and bones and metals. But it applies a lot of common sense. And vocabs as usual.

Somehow, walking back into the ward in Muar makes me very nostalgic. Same beds and surroundings, the same lift, but a very different emotion. This was where all started.

I was all alone for almost half a year, and never uttered a single complaint about my status, I was all happy and as cheerful as ever. Things happened just when it is least expected. Fair enough. I thought I met someone who is going to let me rely on without any second thought, although not perfect, but I'm happy whenever I'm in Muar. YES. Muar. Everything he did made me think that I'm the luckiest girl on earth. Like a dream.

I guess it's just karma. Things get really ugly after a while. Because of some reason. Some awful stuff which came like a 1000kg impact hit on me. I got nervous because it was nothing like my dream. And the issue dragged for a few months. My emotions and tears are exhausted. I'm defeated, when he claimed that this is his true self, which is certainly not compatible with my dream. Or the mr right I first met in the ward.

No one is at fault I guess. Just different. Very different. No one to be blamed. But I think I deserve treatment a lot better than this. I've sacrificed a lot too. I'm willing to give unconditional love. But this does not indicate that I can be bullied.

Things are still hanging. But maybe I've found a solution. I hope it works this time.
Thanks for all the support and reassurance from everyone. I have big big big exams coming soon, can't afford to lose control anymore. I'll be fine. Just waiting to be loved and cherished once again. I still believe in love of course. But this time, I'm gonna love someone who is worthwhile, who loves me more than I do. Hehe.

SZE YIN posted at 7:19 pm | 1 whispers

假象

Wednesday 6 January 2010

心结, 是很奇妙的东西. 你越不去碰它, 它越是纠缠得更厉害, 直到变成个死结.
有些事情可以很表面, 在这方面我真的尽了力, 至少我觉得我做的还不错.
但心里面的波涛汹涌, 我控制不了, 像是哑子吃黄莲, 只有让它苦苦追缠这我, 一直到入眠.
解铃还须系铃人. 那如果系铃的选择逃避呢? 老师没教过.
于是, 我活在一个假象里, 像是自欺欺人, 有苦, 当然也只有自己知.
感情的世界, 开心如果不是必然的, 那请允许我, 放肆的不开心.
至少在当我, 只属于我自己的时候.

SZE YIN posted at 6:39 pm | 1 whispers

Review : The bucket list

Wednesday 23 December 2009

Hmm yeap as usual I only got a few things from the list for christmas.

Didn't get the perfume because the scent is getting boring after trying it for a few more times. And then I realized I'm still having a collection of lotions and creams and gel and hand creams etc etc. Not to mention the whole lot I bought back in Taiwan OMG. Can I give them all out for Christmas? Anyone? ;P

The home fragrance thingy is not that suited for my small room after all. All choky and burned out. I still prefer the arometherapy range ones.

I have break-outs after using the new toner. HAIH. Dumped it to my mum and stick back to the same old boring seaweed one.

I've been reading the first chapter of the book since one month ago after getting it (in one way). I still don't see the exciting and adrenaline-rushing part of it.

The heels. I've too many heels I guess and I love all of them. So the new one will just be part of the collection. I should be more practical next time while choosing heels. I hate buying pretty heels which only serve for occasions. ONLY.

The bag turns out to be the most impressive one and I'm loving it to bits hehe. Casual and formal. Easy to match somemore. HOHO.

Conclusion : The bucket list is not very bucket after all. New year advice is : spend wisely. Buy things you reaaly need. Not just for the sake of owning it. Or for the sake of festive season. I hate festivals but I love'em. =)

Off to Singapore for the weekend tomorrow morning.
Have a very merry Christmas with your loved ones people!

SZE YIN posted at 12:48 pm | 0 whispers

it kills

Sunday 20 December 2009

When we were young were taught to have some sense of curiousity for the things that we see, in order to question and learn. So I can't deny that the fact that I'm overly curious about everything does shaped me into who I am today.
But, it is killing me right now. I tend to find out everything about anything. I go like "who's this girl" "what's she doing here" "what he's been thinking" "why was he out till so late" etc etc.

I guess it all goes to insecurity. A severe one. I had nightmares about almost everything. I'm depriving of sleep. And I'm having hallucinations. I feel good about it.

I'm no longer me when I look into the mirror every morning. I hate this transformation. I hate tolerating with everything, all alone. I hate to give up my happiness for someone who only cares about his own happiness. I hate that cold tone and negativity. I hate the transformation in him as well.
What has brought us both to this stage? Is there any turning back? Is everything gonna be ok? I need a hell lot of comfort right now. I'm just too weak and unstable to think about anything else.

Headache. I should take panadol and sleep. I wonder what it's like to accidentally take a few more pills. I hope I'll wake up not feeling any pain anymore.

I'm just joking. Or am I not?

SZE YIN posted at 12:57 pm | 1 whispers

尊严

Tuesday 15 December 2009

是即使他不疼爱你

你也要很疼你自己

太爱一个人的结果

只有得到很多尊严

或者失去很多尊严

我们, 都学会了吗?

SZE YIN posted at 12:07 pm | 0 whispers

等待

Thursday 10 December 2009

可以很漫长, 可以很伤人.

这些日子以来,
我以为我已经习惯了等待, 习惯了付出, 习惯了被伤害, 然后再等待.
只是不懂为什么, 眼泪还是会流, 心还是会痛, 还是会失望过后又无条件的原谅, 然后又被伤害.
我不断告诉自己不能放弃, 说服自己熬过去就会幸福的, 提醒自己爱就要无条件的付出, 即使明知道两方付出的并不相等.
喧喧嚷嚷了这么久, 才发现, 我一直忘了, 我是个女生, 不算强捍, 也可以为了爱而不再坚持, 可以不理一切是否值得. 但是, 该有的矜持, 我还是有的. 尤其发现一直以来两人都不在相同的频率上之后.
坚持不放弃, 也只不过是一厢情愿罢了.

什么时候开始, 一早醒来忘了呼吸, 感觉不到自己的心跳, 等待的时候再也哭不出来了. 我惊慌失措. 能够习惯心碎的同时, 竟然忘了要习惯放弃. 能够放肆的大哭一场, 又何尝不是一种幸福呢? 此时此刻, 我连这种最卑微的幸福, 也得不到了.
是不是比较爱对方的, 会比较容易受伤害. 相信爱情, 是我犯下最大的错误. 爱过了头, 剩下的, 会不会只有恨. 这种感觉有点熟悉, 熟悉的很可怕.

当我还在等待幸福的幸临, 那一通不会来的电话时, 我告诉自己:
下一次, 我再也不要那么爱一个人了.

还好, 等着等着, 眼泪还是决了堤...

SZE YIN posted at 12:45 pm | 0 whispers